When I was a mere lad, for example, I could do Evil with the best of them. Droughts, plagues, really bad marriages -- I did 'em all. With style. With grace. With almost minimal planning and great follow-through... because I know Evil.
But times change, I guess. The ungrateful peasants decided they didnt *want* an Evil king anymore, so we were thrown out and forced to leave the country. So what does an Evil Prince do when his career is cut mercilessly short? I did what any sane man would do --
I went into Art.
Oh, not making pretty pictures with bunny rabbits and happy singing flowers. Not me. People may like that, but they dont buy it. What they buy is the constant reminder that Life is Evil. Period. End of story. Give 'em bad colour combinations, impossible compositions, repetitive subject matter... and they cant buy it fast enough, because they *want* Evil in their home. And if they cant have me, they'll take whatever Evil Art I can throw at 'em.
Have I been successful, you ask. Is that kind of question to ask a Master Evil Prince? Of *course* I've been successful! The four-panel behind me -- "Screaming Woman with Bird" -- sold last night for more money then you'll make in a decade and a half! And it took me fifteen minutes to create! If that's not Evil, what is???
Next week, I'm starting on architecture, with plans to build structures that aren't just eyesores but headaches as well! I want you to look at my creations and get the Mother of All Migraines! Why, you ask? Because I'm Evil! And not just some glass-and-steel monstrosity that pretends to be an overpriced hotel with uncomfortable mattresses and non-existent customer service! No sir, we're going retail! Shopping malls the size of six football stadiums, that will take you weeks to get through! Fashions that look more like week-old Glad bags than the two-hundred-bucks-a-meter imported raw silk used to make them! And you'll buy! Know why?
BECAUSE I'M EVIL!
From there, it's only baby steps to move into advertising and movies and television, and no matter how Evil I make it, the more you'll send gold, heaps and heaps of gold, my way. It'll be mine! ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: sigh ::
Daddy told me if I worked hard, I'd succeed. Thanks, Pop.
