Yeah, I've been in the business for a few years now -- well, more than a few, actually, but as long as the producers don't know the hair is dyed, I figure I'm still good for a few more shots... so to speak...
If you hang around any of the rental places, you've probably seen some of my work. I don't like to brag, but I'm one of the top stars in the industry. Some of my best stuff? Let's see... Try Me on for Thighs was a serious money maker, as were Charlie's Angles, Blade: Rimmer, and of course the classic Are You Being Serviced?. Used to be, the producers liked me: I'm dependable in the delivery department, if ya know what I mean. And the directors knew that I always know how to hit my marks without needing more than one rehearsal. So it was no surprise when I got nominated for a Fleshy -- that's one of the porn industry awards, usually for lifetime achievement. I was pretty stoked about it, and it was a real rush when I was up on stage to accept the award.
So I'm thanking my agent and my always understanding girlfriends and my mama and all that, and before you know it, I've said "And I'd like to thank Jesus for letting me be the success I am." Now I'm not normally a religious person myself. I got it from watching all those other award shows where they thank Jesus for sending them the right script or letting them survive the post-production taping or actually knowing the words to the song they had to sing. These days, everyone thanks Jesus for getting an award; I figured, okay, it's the trendy thing to do, so I probably should as well. Right?
Well, y'know, people don't normally thank Jesus for getting a Fleshy. But there it was, and there I was, and before long, I'd be filming a scene, and right at the moment of... impact... I'd yell, "THANKYEE, JESUS!!!" It was like I was on automatic. Now to me, it was no big deal, something on par with my partner yelling "OHGODOHGODOHGOD" about four hundred times before hitting her peak.
But somehow the directors never saw it that way. They'd complain that they'd have to do a reshoot because "the religious freak" had ruined it. Of course, I was ready for a second take... but wouldn't you know it. I'd get right there, and I'd yell "PRAISE JEEZUZ!!!" at the top of my lungs. Then everyone would get all upset and we'd have to stop yet again.
So now they shoot my scenes without mikes and dub in the dialogue later, usually using someone else's voice. Yeah, he's dependable too -- at the right moment, he knows he's supposed to not say "HALLELUJAH!" but instead "OH BABY you are the BEST!!!"
I guess it's the same, in the really grand scheme of things.....
